Irresistible new forces are reshaping the world of selling and negotiating. The technological outburst is, of course, a major force for the change. But it is not the only one: buyers are changing their expectations and the generational shift of the „digital natives“ is clearly visible in the online shopping trends. And then, there is the global pandemic of 2020 acting as a massive accelerator. So, the change is here and at every level.

While we’ve adapted to social distancing and tried to embrace videoconferencing via Zoom or Microsoft Teams, there are still many challenges and the transition isn‘t as natural as it may seem. This blog aims to map out the challenges and also offer some solutions.

Challenges

Let me first review the main challenges linked with negotiating virtually. For the sake of clarity, I will focus mainly on negotiating via video conference platform like Zoom, Teams and similar.

Is it even worth meeting you?

We are so overwhelmed with information these days that we are forced to make decisions about whether it is even worth meeting virtually. Forget face-to-face meetings – now, the battle has moved to the virtual world: do I invest the time to talk to you or not? That’s the big question.

Clearly, this is the trend towards transactional selling and buying. If we can get the same (or better) value elsewhere and cheaper, we will want to reduce the cost of the transaction. Instead of trusting the salesperson, we trust the product and its intrinsic qualities. All we want is a smooth, reliable, and effortless supply. 

Sorry if it sounds too blunt. Simply, in many situations, the transaction costs are now highlighted. Earlier this year, many people couldn’t imagine working fully virtually. Now that we have been forced to adapt, we realize virtual is often cheaper, and sometimes better, than face-to-face. And for some of us, there is no going back.

Taxed Brain

Virtual meetings or digital salesrooms – whichever name you prefer – have several drawbacks, one of which is the impact on our energy. While they lower the transaction costs overall, they are also draining our energy and taxing the brain. Sometimes the screen freezes, there‘s a weird echo, and the body language is slightly out of sync with the voice. This dissonance costs energy and causes conflicting feelings. A 2014 study found that delays on conferencing systems of 1.2 seconds made people perceive the responder as less friendly or focused.

Why? Because humans are wired differently, we communicate even when we’re quiet. During a conversation, we derive additional meaning from dozens of nonverbal cues. 

However, a typical virtual meeting impairs these abilities and requires sustained and intense attention to words instead. We need to work harder to process the nonverbal cues and paying more attention to these consumes a lot of energy. We simply cannot relax into the conversation naturally.

The more the merrier?

When we have more than one person attending the videoconference, we’re engaged in numerous activities, but never fully devoting ourselves to focus on anything in particular. Psychologists call this „continuous partial attention“, and it’s basically multitasking that wears your brain out quickly.

It’s almost like Orwell’s 1984: you’re watching TV – your colleagues and the speaker – while the TV is watching you, too! This simultaneous listening and the sense of „I need to be performing at my top level“ is both tiring and impossible to achieve. Think about it: would you be able to cook and read a book at the same time? Sooner rather than later, you’ll fail at one of the two.

Window shopping together

Virtual meetings somewhat resemble having a chat with a stranger while window shopping. While you might discuss the goods you’re both looking at, you’ll be less interested in his/her words, share less information, and be less interested in exploring underlying mutual interests.

Social presence theory provides a useful insight into why this is happening: with growing social distance, our awareness of the other’s personal situation and emotional state is diminished. It’s essential to realize that no digital meeting platform will create sufficient social presence for you. If you are in a business where you need to build trust to negotiate something, you’ll need to be proactive.

Peeping in

While in a virtual meeting, you only see a fraction of the environment your counterpart is in. You don‘t even see the whole body of your counterpart – you mostly see a „talking head“. But there’s a good reason why FBI specialists on detecting deception offer wheeled chairs and glass tables to the suspects.  They want to watch the adaptors, i.e. uncontrolled behaviors that provide information to build a full picture.

Being in a virtual meeting is like peeping into a room through a small hole in the wall: our vision is very limited! We cannot see these off-camera adaptors, such as the person playing nervously with a paperclip. As a result, we lose information about the anxiety level, stress, or confidence of our counterpart. What‘s more, if they have their self-view on, they tend to limit their movements even more. 

Life roles collapsed

Most of our social roles happen in different places. However, Insead professor Gianpiero Petriglieri claims that this context has now collapsed: „Imagine if you go to a bar, and in the same bar you talk with your professors, meet your parents, or date someone, isn’t it weird? That’s what we’re doing now.“

Way too often, we go from one digital meeting to another one. The switch takes place within only a few seconds, and to our brain, it feels like running several marathons in a row. This lack of downtime results in lower cognitive capacity and difficulty with adapting to the changing context.

Look me in the eye!

Integrated webcams make it difficult to maintain eye contact while on a video call. Several researchers mention this as one of the single most important aspects of virtual negotiations. Not being able to look people in the eye subconsciously heightens a sense of distrust.  

If you are working with two screens, or sometimes look away from the monitor, you might be leaving it to the other party’s imagination to decode what’s going on. Again, the social distance grows and we tend to be more cautious as a result.

Silences are more painful

Mastering the power of silence is harder when negotiating online. We readily tolerate two- to three-second silences in a face-to-face communication. It’s because they give the conversation a natural rhythm. Some of us use them intentionally to highlight an important part of the message.

All of this is harder in the virtual environment, especially when there are more than two participants in the call. According to Harvard professor Malhotra, we’re less comfortable with quiet when on a Zoom call. As a result, we interrupt each other more often or we step out of the conversation and focus on the technology. And if the other party has paused without moving, we readily check: „Have you frozen?“ „Are you there?“ This constant switching back and forth is tiring and takes away our focus.

Down to Business

Unlike the face-to-face form, virtual negotiation discussions are more linear and usually take shorter periods of time. One source claims that as many as 77% of people working remotely claim to work more productively (source: SoSoCloud). I’ve witnessed this very frequently in an online negotiation gym, an online practice session for negotiators. Participants would frequently skip the small talk and tend to cut to the chase immediately. Needless to say, the whole process suffered: not much information was exchanged and price became the major discussion topic much earlier.

Reactive Discussions

A side effect of the above-mentioned challenges is that discussions are more path-dependent virtually. Whoever suggests the agenda, shares the screen, or presents the path to follow has an upper hand, because in a virtual world, we have a higher tendency to react to what was said. As a result, there is a risk of less divergence in the discussion and fewer alternative angles considered. Simply, we aren’t as creative when on a videocall.

Diminished Trust

E-negotiators have lower expectations of trust, according to some studies. It may be due to increased attribution, social distance, and a sense of anonymity. The discussions simply move more towards the transactional mode when we feel we’re in the „shop“ mode rather than the „joint problem-solving“ mode.

Privacy and Confidentiality

Because we only see a small portion of the physical environment the other party is in, negotiation parties never know for sure who is „in the room“ with them, right now or later. If the other party wants to record the session, they certainly can and you can do little about it. In their top 10 strategic predictions for 2021 and beyond, Gartner even predicts that by 2025, 75% of conversations at work will be recorded and analyzed: „Every piece of technology, from smart speakers to virtual meetings to messaging platforms, now records conversations. Privacy is an illusion.”

We’re all in Hostage Negotiation Now

When we think about it, virtual negotiations increasingly resemble those of hostage or crisis negotiations. One similarity is in the above-mentioned lack of privacy. Crisis negotiating teams have always been meticulous about recording and studying every detail of the exchanges with the hostage-takers. They need this to help the negotiator stay on track, but also to understand layered messages. It‘s because crisis negotiation is a process designed to save lives. With technology abreast, the importance of recording negotiations grows, as do the stakes.

Intelligence Outsourced

The second similarity with crisis negotiation has to do with the importance of fact-checking and  intelligence. While the negotiator is listening to the hostage-taker (the ideal ratio is 80% listening, not talking, contrary to popular belief), the intelligence team is busy gathering information from many sources and checking for facts.

According to saleshacker.com, sales intelligence is one of the latest big turmoils in the sales technology landscape. Vendors are offering a range of services from Account Intelligence and Company Financial Intelligence to Visitor Intelligence and Reverse IP Look-Up.

What does it all mean? Basically, we need to negotiate with the notion of caution: all facts can (and probably will) be checked, and everything we say can (and probably will) be recorded. 

Data and System Security

The communication channel can also be hacked by external intruders or there can be malware on your computer. All this can lead to an information leak and many e-negotiators are aware of this risk. One study has focused on the use of metadata to measure the stress level of negotiators. For example, the speed with which the mouse moved was analyzed and used to estimate the current anxiety or stress level of the negotiator.

Fight for Attention

According to some researchers, the younger generation is wired for a lower attention span. They‘re digital natives who have been raised with stimulus-driven distractions and many have been regularly exposed to cognitive overload. What it translates to is that we might have difficulty resolving a complex issue in one virtual meeting. The attention span is simply getting shorter and shorter.

The Curse of the Smartphone

Indeed, technology is pervasive. Regardless of your age, you have a smartphone on your table or in your pocket as you read this. The same smartphone accompanies you to virtual negotiation meetings. And because it is easier to hide than when meeting face to face, you may feel the urge to check your messages. Not only does it make you look less professional and less trustworthy, it is also proven that this multitasking costs you: you‘re likely to get lower gains even if you check your phone for facts in connection with the negotiation!

Abundant Alternatives

Finally, the level of commitment is lower online because we feel we have many alternatives at hand. When visiting someone at his or her home ground, we have the advantage of leaving, while the other person might feel trapped. They cannot simply leave their office when they wish to end the conversation. 

In a digital meeting, however, any of the parties can end the conversation easily, at almost anytime! As a result of these low transactional costs, e-negotiators might be ready to give up too soon or too easily. Or, they might give the impression of negotiating a final deal with us while they’re just exploring various alternatives. Beware of unpleasant surprises when you‘d thought you’d gotten the deal, only to learn later that they contracted someone else.

Solutions

Following are my recommendations to combat the challenges and magnify the opportunities presented by the virtual negotiation technology.

Choose your channel

Just because videoconferencing software is available and has become the norm, you don‘t have to use it as the default channel. Explore the many options you have. The choice is not limited to the built-in functions of the platform you‘re using – you have the whole world of apps and online tools to play with.

If a written format is preferred and you want to maintain a certain level of formality, use email, for example. If the question is a simple one and you want a quick answer, use the good old phone instead. Or, to build rapport, you might consider social media chat or WhatsApp. At a certain stage, a blind betting online platform might be the most suitable way to move forward.

The right moments for a Video Call

Given the choice of exchanging messages through numerous other channels, a videoconference may be particularly useful in these specific situations:

When you need to get an answer to a question your partner has been avoiding or overlooking in an email or other channels.

When you need to speed up the process of communication. Each channel has its customary speed, and while responding to an email within 24 hours might be customary, it might still feel a bit too slow.

When there is an issue of language and meaning – for example, when both parties are using English as a second language or when there is a big cultural difference. The possibility to read facial expressions – as limited as it may be – can work wonders in limiting miscommunication and misunderstanding.

Webcams and Eyes

We mentioned the impact of webcam placement on perceived trust.  Simply try to position your webcam so that you can both see the person you’re communicating with and somewhat maintain eye contact. You will still feel you‘re making the switch from looking at the person and at the camera lens, but it will be much less exhausting. Ditto for the awkwardness for the other party. Plus, you will be able to catch and decode more nonverbal signals they are sending!

Consider switching off the self-view

Self-view is another difficulty when trying to maintain eye contact. You might have noticed people checking their hair or appearance during a virtual meeting. Don‘t kid yourself: it does show and it feels like taking a selfie during a meeting. Instead, set up your camera at the beginning of the call so that you are nicely framed and your counterpart can still see your hand gestures. Then, simply minimize the distraction by switching your self-view off and concentrate on your counterpart. You’ll shorten the social distance considerably that way.

Breaks help avoid multitasking

Maintaining your focus is essential for negotiators, so practice self-control and stay away from multitasking while on a call. Knowing that our attention span is shortening, make sure you plan for short breaks every now and then.  We’ve experimented with 30-minute time blocks and they seem to work fine. During the break, stretch a little or take a short walk; just give your brain some time to refresh. 

Think process-wise

Carefully think through the process to beat the diminished attention span. Consider sending an agenda upfront, or even a proposal you’d like to discuss with enough time for the other party to review it. The more prepared and focused the parties are, the more smoothly the discussion will go. 

Also, don‘t expect to do everything in one call. Instead, schedule a second or third meeting in advance. This will give you and them more freedom to consider all the aspects of the deal, but at the same time, a sense of security that you know where you want to go. 

Virtual Handshakes

Handshaking has been a practice since around 500 BC. It proved that you came in peace and weren‘t holding a weapon. Noam Ebner, expert on digital negotiation, suggests a way to send the same signal virtually: „[During the digital meeting] provide verbal surrogates for physical touch, such as „It’s good to meet you, I wish we could shake hands.“

Consider Your Space

Your space – and what‘s seen on the camera by others – deserves special attention. When we invite people to our homes, we’re creating the opportunity to build relations, affiliations, and connections. While negotiating virtually, we may want to give cues as to what is important to us, what our values are. Or, we may want to tone down the formality and project a very informal image. Check with your colleagues about whether they are distracted by something or if you‘re projecting the right image.

Personally, we advise against using the artificial screen despite its convenience. When negotiating virtually, your trustworthiness is taxed by the the social distance already, so do not send the impression that you are hiding something.

Show me your room

The same holds true for the room you’re broadcasting from. Because we see such a small portion of what‘s in the vicinity of the person we’re dealing with, we might decide to overcome this feeling of being a TV reporter with shirt and jacket waist up and shorts and Crocs waist down by giving a virtual tour of our premises.

Investing a little time in getting to know the other’s space is clearly an effort that can help reduce social distance. So do compliments, and asking to see a piece of jewelry or an object up close. Again, remember we need to work a little harder when meeting digitally.

Consider wearing a headset

Wearing a headset with a microphone is a great help for your partner in two ways. First, the microphone being closer to your face improves sound quality and thus, your counterpart will have to make less of an effort to hear you. They’ll be able to focus more on what you’re saying and your messages will be clearer.

Second, by using the headset, you’re sending a signal about your respect of the confidentiality of the discussion. You’re taking precautionary measures to avoid eavesdropping and the person can relax more about what they’re saying. The benefit is clearly yours: an increased feeling of intimacy and psychological safety makes us talk more openly.

Assume they’re noobs

Schmoozing your counterpart and taking the time to welcome them increases the chances of reaching a deal. Check if they‘ve used the platform before and if not, take time to orient them to it. Guide them as to where to find things and which functionalities are available and potentially useful during the session.

Are we On Air?

To preserve the feeling of psychological safety, you should always check with them if they agree with the session being recorded. If you need to make a recording, agree about this beforehand, prior to the meeting.

Also, if you use the private chat function, be aware that the host can download the chat after the meeting, at least on Zoom. So, to give them a real sense of privacy, advise them on using a different channel should they need a private discussion.

Have a fallback channel

The quality of connection may vary, so prepare for the worst case scenario in advance. What will you do if the connection goes bad or if the platform suddenly freezes? Do you have each other’s phone numbers? Is there a fallback platform that you both can use? If you fail to prepare this, your negotiation may end faster than you’d hoped. And time is against you: it leads to unnecessary frustration on both sides.

Congruence and Tone

Try and create a congruent environment: the nature of the interaction, your background environment, and your attire should all be in sync. Also, try to be more mindful of your enunciation and tone. Feel free to use silences consciously and be mindful not to misinterpret their pauses and talk over them.

Earn their trust

As mentioned several times in this guide, we have to be proactive when it comes to building trust online. The key is to behave consistently and congruently over time, be transparent, and walk the talk. It goes without saying that working to meet deadlines and being humble, yet still standing up for something are attitudes and behaviors that accelerate the building of trust. 

E-negotiators will also benefit from expressing their intent explicitly. Needless to say, the intent that generally inspires the greatest trust is seeking mutual benefit.  

Technology Breaks

Most managers and executives suffer from cognitive overload these days. Cognitive overload happens when the amount of information being taken in exceeds working memory‘s capacity to process it. It harms you in the long run, so make sure you build good „technological hygiene“ routines.

For example, take technology breaks and make sure the ICT remains silenced with visual alerts disabled during those breaks to minimize distractions.

There is no virtual negotiation

Although it may sound like a Zen koan, my point is this: every generation takes for granted whatever technology is available to them at their birth. They simply do not have to get used to it—it is their reality. So, for the „digital natives“, there is no virtual negotiation—just negotiation with all the channels available.

Generation X and Baby Boomers depict negotiation as two (or more) people sitting at a negotiation table. As of 2020 and beyond, there is simply no table, just a mix of various communication channels used simultaneously.

The change is here to stay, and there will surely be more to come. So let‘s get used to it and practice using these channels regularly.